Do You Motivate, Help or Control Your Children?

The internet tells us:

Motivate is: Provide motive or reason for a certain thing to happen or for someone to act in a certain way.

Helping is: Doing something selflessly for another person to alleviate the work, achieve a certain goal, or avoid a situation of difficulty or risk that may affect them.

Control is: To direct or dominate a person or thing.

But within these three points, there is something called CODEPENDENCY.

When I learned that my actions and worries were directed and based on the stories and problems of others, rather than on me, and that’s what kept me in a constant state of worry (about other people’s problems), it was called CODEPENDENCY. Then I learned to know self-love.

As time went by and after a lot of therapy, I also learned that by worrying about myself, giving myself love, and accepting my mistakes, I began to live a healthier life, mentally, because I was in a state of worry about my own codependency.

People who suffer from this disorder block or ignore their own problems and focus on those of others. I didn’t see this as bad; I was doing good for others, right? But I was worried, and many times my help was not of much use (because, really, only those who know and want to be helped will accept what you do for them). This happened to me because many people did not do what I told them, and I felt like I had to help even more.

With my therapist, I learned: my problems also matter, giving self-love (not just to others) also matters, listening to my emotions also matters.

Now, with our children, you are a codependent parent if you constantly control your children’s decisions and movements, or if a parent acts defensively or victimizes themselves so that their child changes their mind. The balance between guiding and controlling is very important.

How to educate without being a codependent parent:

• Be a parent who chooses love and boundaries, warmth and consequences.
• Trust your intuition as a parent, and at the same time, let your children make decisions and learn from them.
• Guide and help your children.

We all make mistakes, but we have to be aware as parents that the way we parent and set limits will have a huge impact on the character of our children. This is why it is important to seek and find a balance. Until your child matures, it is our responsibility as parents to guide, help, support, and listen to our children—with love and without dependencies or control.

Children by nature do not have physical and emotional self-control; they do not know how to relate to others or live together. This is why it is important that we teach them the way, without having to control each of their actions, because making mistakes always leaves us with a lesson, right? Let us educate our children with discipline so they can have a better future.

With love,
Diana