Help Your Child With His Tantrums and Anger

From day one, my goal as a mother has been to teach emotional intelligence to my children. As soon as they were able to understand me, I made it a point to ask, “How are you feeling?” whenever I noticed them experiencing emotions like anger, sadness, or happiness. At first, I would name the emotion for them, but over time, they began to name it themselves.

Did you know that human beings experience a wide range of daily emotions? A child is born expressing these emotions, while we, as adults, often learn to suppress or avoid them. However, when it comes to tantrums, we’re talking about an overflow of emotions—something the child doesn’t yet know how to manage, which leads to an outburst. But here’s the thing: This also happens to us as adults when we don’t handle our emotions properly.

Managing Tantrums as a Learning Opportunity

Although dealing with tantrums is something many parents dread, these moments can actually serve as an opportunity to teach our children how to manage their emotions more effectively. In turn, we can learn valuable lessons as well.

Shouting and Anger:

Emotions like anger and rage can lead us to yell, mistreat others, or even resort to violence. However, it is vital to listen to our anger to begin healing. It’s tempting to belittle others when we feel humiliated, but discovering the root of your anger will help calm you.

With children, it’s essential not to suppress their anger. Instead, sit with them, let them express it, and allow them to fully feel their emotions. Believe me, they will feel much better afterward.

Crying and Sadness:

Crying can be linked to feelings of guilt or sadness. Children cry frequently, and letting them cry is key to allowing them to process their emotions. If you cry and talk at the same time, it may confuse them because their understanding is influenced by the emotions you are displaying. It’s better to let them cry first, then, once calm, talk about what happened.

During this process, ask your child: “Why did you act this way? How do you feel?” This kind of reflection helps children develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence. It’s equally important to remind them that the feelings of others also matter. For example, if they get so angry that they break their sibling’s toy, they need to reflect on the impact of their actions.

The Role of Empathy and Responsibility

Over time, both parents and children learn how to handle these emotions and become more responsible for their actions. This is a great time to introduce breathing exercises or encourage distancing from the source of anger as a way to calm down. It’s important to give them a plan of action for managing their emotions, so they have a tool to rely on when those intense feelings arise.

Identifying Relaxation Activities

Pay attention to what calms your child. For instance, my son finds drawing and painting incredibly relaxing. When I notice he’s frustrated or angry, we draw together. Once you discover these activities, ask your child, “How do you feel now?” Aim for them to respond with “calm” or “relaxed”. You can then use these activities as part of their anger management plan.

Practice Gratitude Daily

Another great way to foster emotional intelligence is by encouraging daily gratitude. Ask your child, “What are you grateful for today?” Whether it’s their feet that allow them to run fast or a blanket that keeps them warm, recognizing the small things helps them develop a positive outlook on life.

Building a Daily Routine

Creating a calendar with daily responsibilities helps your child stay mindful of their day-to-day activities. Being aware of their responsibilities will also give them a sense of accomplishment. Always practice active listening with your child, and consider introducing interactive books with drawings that depict different emotions, helping them better understand and communicate how they feel.

A child who knows how to control their emotions is a child prepared for the challenges of the future.

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If you’re interested in resources that can help your child manage their emotions, check out my recommended books on Amazon! With love,
Diana Rosique